THE HOME OF THE BRAVE On this past Memorial Day, Vietnam Veterans, who were present at a holiday celebration President Clinton was attending, heckled him during his speech. The President called for a "healing" of old wounds; namely, the controversy over those who never served for whatever reason in the military during Vietnam. Passions still fester over those who did and those who did not serve in Southeast Asia. President Clinton asked that this conflict finally end. Many young men like the President did not serve in Southeast Asia. In 1967, I was a sophomore at The Ohio State University when I received a notice from my draft board to come to Cleveland for a physical exam for induction into the military. I did not want to go. My mother supported my leaving the country to avoid the draft. My father, a veteran of WWII, was disgusted with her and me. The division within our family was palpable. Going to Cleveland did not guarantee that I would be drafted, so I went. I passed my physical exam and scored in the 99th percentile on the mental exam. Riding on the bus to Youngstown, I was sure that I would be drafted. Within a few weeks after I returned to classes, I received my I-A classification. What would I do if I were called? I agonized over the decision. My parents were not wealthy; I had no connections. The division between them did not help. During this period in my life, I began watching the CBS evening news with Walter Cronkite. If I were to serve my country, I wanted to know as much as possible about what I would be fighting for half way around the world. Initially, I accepted the "Domino Effect." If Vietnam fell, then all of Southeast Asia would eventually become Communist. America needed to stop it. As the war expanded, and conflicting information began to filter back to the United States, my belief in the noble intent of the conflict diminished. In 1968, the Democratic National Convention became a battleground between "Hawks" and "Doves". For three days during prime time, Americans witnessed the end of an era. No longer would young people blindly follow their elders. For nearly two years I continued to study and wait to be called to serve my country. I didn't want to go. Each night I would sit alone in my room and watch Walter Cronkite and wonder just what we were doing over in the jungles of Vietnam. What did it all mean? How would my being there make the world any safer for democracy? When Cronkite reported the story of the My Lai Massacre, Americans were repulsed. How could American soldiers slaughter women and children? The confusion became even more pronounced among those who were sitting on the sidelines waiting. How did this all fit in with America's initial mission in Vietnam. President Johnson decided not to run again. Senator McCarthy, a "dove", was soundly defeated by Richard Nixon, who supported the war. In 1969, after two years with my 1-A classification, I prepared to graduate from college. I thought for sure that once I was out of school, I would be off to the jungle. While doing my student teaching in a maximum security juvenile prison in Columbus, an English position opened up and I applied for it and now I was gainfully employed at the Training Institute of Central Ohio. I was still 1-A, but I had an opportunity to get a 1-H classification, an occupational deferment. I wouldn't have to flee to Canada, or burn my draft card and go to prison. My mother was pleased. My father was confused. I prepared to serve my country, but in a different way. In late 1969, before I could get a 1-H deferment, the Draft Lottery System was instituted. Everyone who was 19-23 years of age would be eligible during the first lottery. The first 235 birthdays picked would be those who would be drafted. My birthday was picked 254th. I would not serve my country in the military. Now, twenty-four years later, the conflict resurfaced. While Memorial Day was established to honor our veterans, memories are not easily erased. I'm not proud of my young adult confusion. My beliefs were in evolution from 1965-1969. Had I had President Clinton's privilege, I might have acted differently. He had a choice to make; all of us had choices. But, the lottery eliminated the choice for all of us. Perhaps that was the only lottery I'll ever win in my life. It gave me the freedom to pursue a career without interruption. Yet, deep down inside, I believe I missed something. I cannot honestly celebrate Memorial Day like a veteran can. I am in that netherland; not veteran, not a draft dodger, a non- veteran. But I still am an American. There probably are many individuals in this country like me who wonder how different life would have been had we journeyed half way across the world to serve in the jungles of Vietnam. We shall never know. To all those brave Americans who served in Desert Storm, in Panama, in the jungles of Vietnam, in Korea, and WWII and WWI, and who continue to protect our country around the world, I salute your efforts, and thank you for making sacrifices for Americans like me who live in..."The land of the free, and the home of the Brave."